Sunday, January 4, 2015

Tisch and NYSED Announce New State Ed Commissioner - More Rigor, More Grit, More Punishment

In tapping Miss Agatha Trunchbull as the new Commissioner of New York State Education Department, Regents Chancellor Meryl Tisch proclaims NYSED to be back on track adding "God help anyone standing in the way." With the departure of John King who'd been seen as something of a twit, a whiner and a one time pet lamb who'd quickly turned to stinky mutton in the Governor and Empress Tisch's hands, the decision was made to go in another direction. King was sent to Washington D.C. in a deal that also included a dozen gently used Palm Pilots, several hundred dry erase erasers and an undisclosed cash sum. In return New York State is shut of John King. Addition by Subtraction some in the Governor's office have called it. It's a new day in New York State Education says the NYSED website where this candid shot of the new Commish interacting with children is also posted. "We need to get back to basics and start running education like a business for a profit." says Trunchabull. "If you're having fun you are not learning."

"If you are having fun you are not learning."

From the get go King's dearth of credentials was a sticking point with knowitall teachers, special interest parents and pain in the ass "qualified candidates" who thought they deserved an interview at the top edu-gig in the Empire State. King taught in a charter school for weeks if not months and brewed outgoing Commissioner Steiner some mean pots of Joe in between backscratches, runs to the deli and being told, "King, Goddammit get the hell out of my sight, get some take out food and sit in a room alone with your data before I throw you out a window." Thus, the ex Comm's penchant for solo lunches over spreadsheets in a dusty broom closet. The guy had the people skills of a wet turnip, one staffer murmured safely out of earshot. King's arrogant demeanor and his outrageous lack of empathy for anyone quickly surfaced when he was sent out on a townhall tour to explain the NYSED way. He ended up infuriating Gubner Andy and causing Dowager Empress Tisch to seek medical treatment for the vapors after an especially grueling throw down with special interest parents in Poughkeepsie. Regentus Emeritus Robert Bennett was seized with a case of clinical flatulence and had to be airlifted to a nearby medical center for fibre therapy as well. 

With King a thrashing goateed specter in the rearview mirror of NYSED, Dragon Empress Tisch boldly seeks to unleash NYSED Common Core Commissioner 2.0 Agatha Trunchabull on complaining, do little teachers. Fresh from her long term assignment at Crunchum/Perry Charter Academy, Miss Trunchabull looks forward, she says, to getting down to business. And when she says she means business it means showing up in teacher's classes and letting them know who's boss. "I think enough time has been wasted on tip toeing around these ninnies," Trunchabull opines, "the time for respect and professionalism and all of that other bollocks is up. Over. Done. I do not like teachers or these snot nosed brats who can't pass their exams and I am going to attack them and make them sorry they ever decided to stroll into a classroom with their little leather folios." Cuomo, Tish and the editorial board of the Buffalo News are calling Trunchabull " a breath of fresh air.

"Sometimes you need to swing the little bastards around by the hair to get the test results you need."

Trunchable Medaled in Shot, Discus and Javelin for Belarus in '72 What Did King Ever Do? 
Governor Cuomo has expressed his borderline orgasmic delight with the new appointment and has tweeted his assurance to all New Yorkers that those sex offending teachers in every other classroom from Port Washington to Lackawanna are going to be in jail where they belong. And with Miss Trunchable on the job they'll wish they were in jail quipped the Governor. Asked if Trunchable is what he was looking for in a State Ed Commissioner Cuomo responded  "I can't wait to see what she does to their pensions..." 

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