|Governor Cuomo Seen Here Trying to Call in a Surgical Air Strike by Mental Telepathy. Note Agonized Expression|
Official Transcript of Andrew Cuomo Furthering John King's Education Reformer Career:
Cuomo: Aww now c'mon man you gotta do me a solid here, this guy is killing me. He's a dweeb and an idiot and people hate him. I stood back, stepped aside and smiled for Hillary in 2016, remember? No complaining, no whining, no nothing like that. You know why? Cause I am for the party. That's me. All about the party.
Democratic Party Operative: Yes, Andrew, we know you are made of all the right stuff. Nobody is questioning your loyalty to the party here. We just, well, you know, we just. What are we supposed to do with the fucking guy? He's kind of a nightmare ya know?
Cuomo: Oh you're telling ME about John Fucking King? Did you see him on that listening tour last year? Are you fucking kidding me? Listening? I mean hey you went to college right John? Can you at least PRETEND to listen to someone? Seriously, you have to help me out here. I have a union to break and a bogus evaluation system to install. I can't do that with a guy like him hanging around and people connecting everything I am doing to his goofy goatee wearing ass.
Democratic Party Operative: Yeah, we just had some elections here too. Did you by chance notice how things went for us and for the party? We're not exactly how you say sitting in the catbird seat here Governor.
Cuomo: The what? I don't even know what the fuck that means. Is a catbird seat a good thing that you don't have or...I mean you sound like my father now...
Democratic Party Operative: It means we got our asses handed to us and come January we're going to be carrying our own toilet paper cause the Republicans aren't going to let us use any of theirs. Do you get me? We don't exactly have a surplus of do nothing patronage gigs to hand out to crazy aunts, drunken uncles or cross eyed nephews these days.
Cuomo: Well I mean he's bad for me right now and maybe that's not even his fault. Yeah maybe it's the climate here with these teacher's unions upsetting everyone and King just being the face of everything everyone wants to kick the shit out of. Think of him like, I dunno, kind of a Jimmy Carter character. You know he's not to blame, he's a decent man but everyone really has major wood for him. Like they want to blame him for every last little thing. I think he could really work out with you guys, you know fresh slate and all.
Democratic Party Operative: Yeah?
Cuomo: Oh definitely.
Democratic Party Operative: Cut the shit Andrew. Just cut it before you push me too far.
Cuomo: You're right. I'm desperate. He's the anti christ, he's like Satan for fuck's sake. He's Bill Buckner, Scott Norwood and Greg Norman at the '96 Masters all rolled into one miserable failure forced on me by people like that goddamned bluenose hag Meryl Tisch. I hate that broad. I yelled at her you know.
Democratic Party Operative: Listen Governor, we like you here. You might be a micro managing sociopathic control freak but hey it's politics right? And after all you're OUR micro managing sociopathic control freak and dammit in my universe that still counts for something.
Cuomo: For real?
Democratic Party Operative: I think I can place him somewhere.
Cuomo: I'll do anything, anything... Oh God please. Where can you put him?
Democratic Party Operative: I can place him under a guy who's possibly more incompetent, more clueless and lacking in people skills, more of an appointed doofus with no fucking business doing anything in this town unless it involves a mop and a bucket than John King his own self.
Cuomo: You have a guy like that? Seriously?
Democratic Party Operative: A guy? You kidding? We actually have dozens of them but it just so happens Kingsy boy can slide right in here and nobody will miss a beat.
Cuomo: Can you give me a hint at least?
Democratic Party Operative: Not really, no. Just that it rhymes with Barney Pumpkin.
Cuomo: Genius. Absolute genius. He's like fucking brain dead that guy. Dumb as a box of bricks. Where do I send the check?
Democratic Party Operative: Check? Check my ass. You can pay me cash and if you don't have it I'll be right here while you run along to the ATM.
Cuomo: Time me.